Does anyone else miss “fast food”?

I’m sorry to those of you who have had to sit through this rant of mine in person and are now having to read it too, but some things simply have to be written down. On our way home from our Christmas marathon the kids were hungry for some “normal” food… so you know what that means, we are stopping in Waterloo for a McDonalds run. Now this is an event I recall fondly from my own childhood and one I wish I could give my own children, however, that will never be the case. A full 20 minutes after entering the building my wife comes to the booth with our food. Now I want to set the stage of this debacle. It was 6:30 on a Sunday evening. The weather was fine, traffic was typical and the restaurant (I use this term loosely) was not overly busy. There were no out of the ordinary issues one could see that should have given this location any reason to be providing less than adequate service.

I found myself sitting there, observing this scene much the same way I imagine a dying person would view themselves on the operating table just before passing away from some fatal flaw made by an incompetent physician. I couldn’t even be upset; all I could do is stare in awe of the human frustration I was witnessing. There were at least 8 to 10 people standing in the counter area of this McDonalds waiting for their orders. Please understand, this is not a unique situation, this has become the norm for fast food. In this particular scenario I choose to pick on McDonalds because this is my fast food restaurant of choice and the one I choose to be violated by most often, but make no mistake, you can expect similar treatment from almost any place with a drive up window.

Has everyone forgotten where the bar was once set? Has every American citizen become so accepting of mediocrity and poor quality that we have simply given up on the dream Mr. Kroc started and was copied by Hardies, Wendy’s, Culvers and Burger King? Ray Kroc would run naked through the streets with unfettered madness if he could see what has become of his glorious empire and burger joint.

What I’m old enough to remember:

· Getting “fast” food at a fast food restaurant:
o The way it used to be: You walked in, stood in one of several lines of people which moved fairly efficiently toward the counter where people ordered what they wanted, where quickly provided with hot, fresh food and drink. They paid, and they left or found a place to sit and eat.
o The way it is today: You stand in line for a considerably longer time, trying to determine who is ordering, and who is now waiting for their food. When you do make it to the ordering portion of the new process, you will be given a receipt with your order on it. (which you will need to check because the system is terribly broken and is rarely done accurately) When you do receive your prefabricated, recently slapped together food and empty glass for drink, you will have the privilege of making your way through a mass of frustrated customers who are both waiting to order and waiting to receive their own orders. Many times you orders do not come out in chronological order so now people who ordered after you may actually receive their food before you. In addition to this especially pleasant group of mutually frustrated patrons, you will also have the added pleasure of bumping into a group who are stopping in to rent videos. Oh yes, this little trophy is a special bonus when you stop at your favorite fast food hot spot. Not only has the service been slowed to a pace that really works for the staff, but you can now fight your way through people who are stopping in to both rent and return their favorite video’s from the machine that is also taking up space in the counter area.

· The 10 minute rule:
o The way it used to be: I remember the McDonalds rule that said, if a burger has been under the heat lamps for more than 10 min, it got thrown away. [This is the concept once employed by many fast food chains which enabled them to prepare food “before” it was ordered so that when a customer came to a counter and ordered a burger… IT WAS READY TO SERVE TO THEM!!!!]
o The way it is today: Every aspect of the meal is prepared and assembled after the order is made. The burgers are delivered to the restaurant “pre-cooked”. Most McDonalds don’t even have a grill in the building anymore! Can anyone that’s not a lawyer or an accountant explain this to me?

· Hot, griddle-fried burgers with “melted” cheese
o The way it used to be: Raw frozen patties arrived and were grilled and made into a predetermined group of a variety of sandwiches determined by popularity. Sandwiches were assembled and kept warm under a heated shelf area where people taking orders could easily access them and give them very quickly to the person who had ordered them. From time to time, you would receive a burger that was so fresh you could potentially receive a slight burn from dripping grease! Is there anywhere you can now go to receive such a lunch wound?
o The way it is today: Pre-cooked burgers come in frozen and are “warmed” to be made into burgers and served. No more grease, no more melting of cheese. This is also a forgone practice our children have been cheated of and will never experience the hot, melted pleasure of a McDonalds burger, grilled in grease, on a hot griddle, where cheese was applied so it could patricianly melt before being placed on a freshly toasted bun, which by the way are no longer toasted either.

· Hot apple pies:
o The way it used to be: Deep fat fried apple and cherry pies, served quickly after being fried in cardboard boxes. This was many times a dangerous adventure due to the extreme heat you could expect. Ironically, this menu item is classified as a desert. When ordering food at a fast food restaurant most times the entire meal is ordered at one time, hence, one would “want” the desert portion of said meal to be “hot” so that when this portion of the meal is consumed… it is still of high quality and satisfaction levels can be maintained.
o The way it is today: The original apple pie left of well over 10 years ago and was replaced by the lower quality (healthier version) you have come to know in today’s McDonald’s. I haven’t got a clue where or how these are prepared, but I can make a pretty good guess they come off the truck frozen and meet their serving temperature inside that delicious little box you see them distributed from when you collect two of them for the dollar menu.

· Being served a cold drink:
o The way it used to be: You ordered a drink, the person you ordered it from was the person who pulled the appropriate sized cup, scooped the ice and hit the button on a very cool machine which would automatically fill the cup to the top. They would then put a lid on your cup for you, pull a straw and place the set of items on your try.
o The way it is today: You get to do the above. In other words, you’re the customer, do it yourself!
[Special sidebar here: I completely recognize the labor cost involved here, I am also sympathetic to the sizing issue, the sanitary issues with handling the ice, the room behind the counter the equipment takes and the issues stemming from people who spill drinks from trays they carry with drinks away from the counter. I don’t give a s#%$... I don’t care, it’s called customer service… and I really miss it!]

I could continue on several different notes, the craziness that is the “Play Land” and I have two small children who “love” them. I still think it’s crazy that someone should have to deal 20 screaming children when they are stopping in for a “QUICK” meal. Or, how about the never ending attempt to make McDonalds or any other fast food restaurant a healthy place to eat? What the hell people, we have known for over 40 years that this stuff is bad for you, if you want health food, go to an all you can eat salad bar and stay away from thick burgers and double quarter pounders with cheese!

I would suggest we all boycott the lot of them… they all suck at what they are supposed to be providing. Now, if only we could quit flying with the major airlines, staying in hotels and buying products from Walmart and Target… the world may stand a chance of recovery!

I don’t know, it’s just what I think, I could be wrong. See ya!